Hey everyone!! Well, you might have noticed this blog has been slightly less active these last few weeks… It’s that time of year with finals and both Polina and I were swamped. Me with a teacher that was a nightmare, and Polina being on stage and being all awesome. But now that summer is here (Well mostly I’ve got one more final this week but still) we should be kicking back up and getting reviews out and all the fun stuff too! (Seriously my list of books to review is really, really long) I also want to write up a post about the amazingness that was TXLA ‘cause it was the best time.
But all of this is kind of leading up to me wanting to share something with you guys that’s changed recently in my life.
If you follow me on Twitter you’re gonna start seeing updates like this:
Hopefully as I go the miles will go up but I really wanted to share a bit of myself here and why this is such a huge deal for me, and why sometimes I’m going to go crazy over the really stupidly simple achievements in running. You see as a kid I was told I’d never run. Now that’s not because I was in a wheelchair or anything physical like that. I could walk and had full mobility. No, I was what’s known as a brittle asthmatic. My asthma was five times worse than the average asthma (Roughly, I’m rounding here) as such I often had times where just walking would bring on an asthma attack. Forget if I ever got around cigarette smoke. I was on the floor in a heartbeat. Emergency inhalers were my literal lifeline. I remember several times where I nearly passed out because I couldn’t breathe. My biggest fear in life was that I would suffocate in my own body. I’d seen the pamphlets my mom had gotten from the doctor, it was a legit thing that could happen. To this day suffocation is my biggest fear. I’ve been without oxygen, I don’t want to do it ever.
I remember one Christmas I was rushed to the doctors because, while a normal Blood Oxygen level is 90-100 I was in the low 60s. My doctor had me do two nebulizer treatments while trying to not call 911. She told me later the one and only reason she didn’t call 911 was because it was Christmas Eve and she didn’t want me spending Christmas in the hospital. But in all rights I should have been hospitalized.
All of this is leading up to say as a kid I never got to do anything really. I can’t tell you how often I heard kids complain and say: “Man I wish I could have asthma and get out of PE!” but when you’re sitting on the sidelines watching and you’ve never really gotten to run in your entire life? It looks like flying, it looks like everything you ever wanted to do, but your body literally won’t let you. That was my life for years. Watching from the sidelines and just wishing. I remember one Sunday in church thinking to myself “Man I can’t wait until I die, because I bet in Heaven I’ll be able to run.”
In my teen years things got better, I could walk past someone smoking without nearly falling over. I could go for walks in the evening without feeling like I was gasping for air before I got home. It’s not uncommon for people to outgrow asthma, but I mostly went from being a brittle asthmatic to a normal asthmatic. I still relied on that inhaler far more often than I’d care to admit. I still had nebulizer treatments scarily often.
Then the amazing thing happened. We moved to Texas, and I don’t know what it is about being here but my asthma has nearly disappeared. Cigarette smoke doesn’t bother me, being outside and doing things doesn’t bother me, and the most amazing thing? I can run.
So I got myself a treadmill for my house and I’m running. And yeah, I’m not going very far, and yeah I’m out of breath but as someone who has never been able to really exert herself in her life? That’s not surprising. What is surprising is that I’m just out of breath. My lungs don’t clamp down and seize up on me, I can still keep breathing even though I’m out of breath.
So my Twitter is going to have some pathetic runtimes, and some pathetic screaming over really simple things. But at the end of the day this is a journey that I never thought I could take. This is seeing an entirely new side of myself. This is wanting something your entire life and one day getting it… So if you see me on Twitter freaking out, just know that yeah I ran a tenth of a mile, but y’know what? I RAN a tenth of a mile! I RAN.
And y’know what? It does feel like flying.